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After almost two decades of anticipation, it’s finally happening! On May 27th, HBO MAX will be streaming “FRIENDS: The Reunion”, featuring all six members of the cast. For many, the beloved show is a comforting ‘90s, early 2000s time capsule. This got me thinking- what if Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler were Millennials? What would their social media profiles look like?
Yes, I realize they are fictional characters and not real people. Let me have this.
This beauty has the most Instagram followers out of the gang. They can’t get enough of the effortlessly coordinated OOTDs in front of the West Village backdrops, or her impeccably dressed children. Even those that want to hate on her simply can’t- she’s just so dang charming and sweet with those motivational quotes on her Stories. She also wants her followers to know that social media is not always reflective of real life! Every few weeks she’ll sprinkle in a post about how she’s having a bad week, or the harsh realities of being a working mom.
Between balancing her family and a big job as a Louis Vuitton exec, Rachel doesn’t have the time to dedicate herself to becoming a full-time influencer but definitely has the chops for it.
Out of all the theoretical predictions I’m making here, I feel most confident that I have nailed Ross’s. Firstly, he claims to not like social media due to the detrimental impact that it has on our brains. But he’s still as addicted as the rest of us. Ninety percent of his posts consist of photos of Rachel and the kids, along with some pretty cheugy captions. The question is, does he post these out of genuine appreciation and admiration for his wife, or is he just trying to make sure every guy in the world knows that she’s taken because he’s possessive, insecure and harboring trust issues from when his first wife cheated on him?
Twitter Ross is secretly quite active. He re-tweets paleontological articles that only he and his coworkers find interesting, and angrily posts seven-part threads in response to internet strangers who don’t believe in evolution.
Being the old soul that he is, Mr. Bing is not very active on social media. He has a LinkedIn account only because all of his co-workers do, and Monica says it’s good for networking. He uses Facebook to share the occasional funny joke and write “happy birthday.” on people’s walls, and Instagram to follow funny meme accounts. Overall, he prefers not to have a very personal presence on social media, mainly to ensure Janice doesn’t know too much about his life.
Monica is my kind of gal on social media! Her Instagram feed has the most mouthwatering home-cooked meals, and each photo is taken in the exact same place on her kitchen counter for consistency. The captions are always a little bit too long and thorough, but she never forgets to tell you exactly how to clean the pots and pans after you’ve used them (DO NOT put a cast-iron skillet in the dishwasher!). Of course, no post of Monica’s is complete without a critical comment from her mother, usually to the effect of “Are you sure you want to eat that?”, and “Looks too salty.”
Since moving to Westchester, Monica has really enjoyed posting to TikTok. And in true Monica fashion, each is treated as a grand production with perfect music, lighting, and timing. Half of them are refrigerator and pantry restock videos, while the other half are life hacks, DIY projects for the home, like how to make potpourri from your dried flowers.
You all saw this coming: Joey is a complete thirst trap on social media. Every Instagram of his is carefully crafted with women in mind. His go-to posts are shirtless gym selfies and photos with Chandler, since he’s highly unphotogenic and, by default, makes Joey look better. His friends are actually quite embarrassed about his online persona, but he doesn’t care. That’s how he scores those commercial modeling gigs that help pay the bills. For the most part, he only follows models, the Knicks and his sisters.
Although it takes a lot more effort than he expected, Joey has turned to TikTok to boost his acting career with little avail. Much to his surprise, “Joey Tribbiani’s Acting Lessons” have not yet gone viral. But who knows? Maybe Part 52 will grab the attention of a high-powered Hollywood producer!
Attempting to unravel the enigma that is Phoebe Buffay proved itself to be a difficult task. Her social media could go so many ways. Does she have a cult following of aromatherapy- obsessed TikTok users? Does she sing into the camera on Instagram live? Tweet about the evils of the meat industry? Maybe.
Ultimately, I’ve decided that Phoebe has absolutely no social media. She never even got an iPhone or Samsung because, let’s face it, she’s always marched to the beat of her own drum. Getting married to Mike was already enough generics for this lifetime.
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